My fears, my lies, myself
by Hina Jaganshi
Summary: Elektra muses about her life and her darkness. Rated “T” causes it’s a little on the dark side.


**My Fears, My Lies, Myself**

(Summary: Electra muses about her life and her darkness. Rated "T" causes it's a little on the dark side.)

Disclaimer: I way don't own Electra. Sigh. But I do have a pair of fake scythes!

Author's Note: Poem is written in blank verse, so it's not suppose to rhyme.

Review please!

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This is who I am

A woman standing on a knife-edge between good and evil

The winds of change blow me this way, that way

Yet I remain on the knife-edge

This is who I am

Yet I pretend to be someone other then myself

A woman who smiles, though they never reach her eyes

A woman who laughs, but it is a cold, bitter thing

A woman who pretends to love, yet her heart is cold

This is who I pretend to be

Confusion, illusions of hope but hope is not who I am

I am darkness…there is no light

Light cannot reach a darkened soul

A soul, what is a soul? Do I have one?

Or maybe Great Death, both mine and others, have stolen my soul away?

Death is what I am, what I do, how I exist

A flick of the wrist and life fades into nothingness

Life is too fragile, too easily broken…it cannot be real

Why do I exist this way? Why do I live?

Why did not my mortal death last?

God did not want me to come back

Maybe I was good enough for the afterlife but not now, never now

I died, so I devote my life to death, I devote my existence to destruction

Souls in the wind, innocence fades quicker then a swift breeze

Innocence…mine striped away, torn from my life

Innocent…never again, never after death, mine and others

My lies…myself…darkness destroying light, light abolishing darkness

I am neither good nor evil, dark nor light…neither extremes

I am twilight and shadows in human form

I destroyed things of evil and yet I am the destroyer of innocence

My mother's death, so fresh in my thoughts

My fears, my lies…myself

Over and over, in my deepest, darkest dreams, a figure lingers there, always

And I ask myself, lying awake in the midnight hours…

Is this the thing that killed my mother?

Or is this myself?

My fears, my lies…myself

A repeating cycle of death and horror, a bit of soul chipped away everyday

Or am I hollow? A soulless monster of death?

No…I must have something within me, telling I stand on the edge of a cliff of evil

Evil and good, light and dark…am I one or am I the other?

Am I neither? All extremes…they annoy me so

I am neither…just twilight and shadows, a weapon wielding steel

Twin blades, twin lives, twin people, existing back to back

The person I am, the person I pretend to be…the person I will grow to be

My fears, my lies…myself

My life stretches out before, things I've done, things I will do

Who am I, really? A motherless daughter? A student without a teacher?

My teacher…my mentor, the one I should've had from the beginning

I could not be taught: Too much rage in my heart to fight, to know the pureness of battle

I devoted myself only to death…from out of death, came life, came more death

But from out of that death, that rebirth, came new life

My redemption is so far out of reach but so close

I run through a meadow, stretching out my hands to the sky, desperately reaching

I can taste new life, can taste death…one taste of love, the other hate

Roses and candles, blades and darkness…a creature of both am I

My fears, my lies…myself

The demon of the past…the ones I kill in the present…those I will face in my future

I will live through it all…no, not live…exist

It is all I do, it is all I can do but it is more then I've done

Perhaps one day, soon, I will learn to live fully

I will learn to leave behind the red-clad goddess of blades and blood

Perhaps she is all that I am, all that I can become, all that I will ever be

My fears, my lies…myself

My blades, maybe they will learn to protect?

They hunger for blood but blood is blood and they will accept good or evil

And so I hunt for the next pray, the next victim

Evil this time, good the next? No, good…good is too good for me

I will change, another metamorphosis, another rebirth I do not deserve

I will hunt the darkness in this world and protect the innocent

I am no hero…I am no villain…I am neither

I am a creature of death but at least I shall learn to protect

Maybe, maybe redemption is somewhere along the road of protection

It is all that I can do, all that I am willing to try

And so I run down this new road of protection and redemption

My fears, my lies…myself.


End file.
